Is The Promise Of Radical Honesty Really True?

Before we dive into the topic of radical honesty, let’s look at plain old honesty first. Literally every child gets schooled in the value of honesty. It could happen via the family setting or the religious setting or the school setting or all of them. As human beings, we seem to appreciate the value of honesty. But this appreciation goes only up to a certain point. If you’ve had some life experience, you very well know that honesty might not always be possible. Who is honest 100% of the time? What if a coworker has bad breath? Do you tell her or do you gently avoid her for the rest of the day? What if you know that you are putting on weight, yet there is this delicious dessert right in front of you? Do you tell yourself the truth, or do you conveniently lie that you’ll get away with it just this once? It is difficult to be honest to oneself, let alone others.

Yet, here come movement leaders like Jordon Peterson and Ray Dalio who preach radical honesty. Have these people figured out something the rest of humanity hasn’t? Do they really follow what they preach? Those questions aside, of late, this thing called ‘radical honesty’ has become a movement. It has become ‘cool’ to say that one is ‘radically honest’. If you’ve missed the bus, there are even people offering courses, workshops, and coaching on this topic. If your sham-detector is vibrating, you are not alone. I have this uneasy feeling too. That’s why I’m writing this article: to figure out if there is any validity to this ‘radical honesty’ or is it a myth upon which people are caching upon? Let’s find out.

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What is radical honesty?

Radical honesty is all about being honest with yourself and others at any cost. It means saying it as it is and not sugar-coating things. It means speaking the truth and not sparing anyone’s feelings. It means that you can say something as hurtful as ‘your breath stinks’ without any remorse. It is precisely this trait of radical honesty that is offered as a cure for our personal and professional ills as part of this new movement.

For instance, if you were given a task to do, it is suggested that you be honest about your capabilities and limitations. That way, you won’t end up frustrating others and yourself by failing to deliver what you promised. Now the difficult question is: are we living in a perfect world where we can afford to be 100% honest with ourselves and others?

What is the point of radical honesty?

The point of radical honesty is to be honest and not worry about what others think. It is about living life on your own terms, with no regrets. It is about being authentic and not pretending to be someone you are not. It is about being real with yourself and those around you. It sounds like a noble cause, doesn’t it? But as noble as it sounds, it is difficult to implement in practice without hurting others. So, let me ask you this: if you are radically honest, how do you think others will react? I’m sure there will be some people who will appreciate your brutal honesty, but there might be others who might resent it. How do you think they will react? Will they be happy that you have told them the truth or angry that you have hurt their feelings? I remember a situation from my childhood where a friend (let’s say Friend A) was brutally honest with another friend of mine (let’s say Friend B). Friend B was overweight and had just gotten back from a holiday. When he asked Friend A about what he thought of him after his holiday, Friend A said that he looked fatter than before he left for his holiday! Needless to say, Friend B didn’t take too kindly to the brutal honesty and they never spoke again.

Could radical honesty land you in trouble?

Radical honesty could make people feel bad about themselves. For instance, if someone says something like ‘your breath stinks’ or ‘you look fat’ or ‘you look ugly’ etc., the person on the receiving end probably isn’t going to appreciate it. Even if the other person has said something that is true, it may still hurt the other person deeply. If truth hurts, then why go out of your way to hurt others?

There are situations where radical honesty could lead to legal trouble too. For instance, imagine telling someone that her client is cheating her. This could land the teller in legal trouble for slander or defamation because he/she didn’t have full / any proof for such an accusation. There are many other similar situations where radical honesty can get one into trouble legally.

Imagine a situation where you tell people what they don’t want to hear all the time; they may stop hanging out with you altogether.

So being radically honest might make people feel bad, might land one in legal trouble and / or might make one end up being / feeling lonely. Is there any upside to radical honesty?

The Upside of Radical Honesty

There is no doubt that radical honesty has its uses. For instance, if you are a doctor and you find out that your patient is going to die soon, it is better to tell the truth rather than sugar-coat it. If you are a school teacher and have to give a student an assessment of his/her performance, it is better to be honest about the shortcomings instead of lying about them. Radical honesty can also help you break out of your comfort zone. For instance, if you are afraid of public speaking but want to improve your skills in this area, being radically honest with yourself will help you face your fear head on. If you think about it, this has been the age-old trick used by stand-up comedians, where being radically honest ends up being funny as it is seldom expected to be expressed this way; but if taken out of context, and it’s no longer funny. Radical honesty can be used as a tool for personal growth too, but then again, there are other tools available that might work just as well without hurting anyone’s feelings.

Conclusion

I think there are many people who are attracted to radical honesty because they want to appear cool or different from others. Arguably, that’s why they make claims like ‘I am radically honest’ or ‘I love being radically honest’ or ‘I am so glad I am radically honest’ etc., even though they don’t intend to prove that they are radically honest 100% of the time. They might just want to fit in with this new movement that is sweeping the globe!

If you ask me whether I am radically honest or not, my answer would be ‘no’ because I don’t think I can afford to be 100% honest with everyone all the time, especially without hurting their feelings or in the worst case, getting into legal trouble. But then again, there are some situations where I can afford to be more honest than others, and some situations where it benefits to do so. For instance, if someone asks me what I think about her and how she looks right now (e.g., after having lost weight), then I won’t hesitate saying that she has lost weight and looks good for herself (and not necessarily for society). If someone asks me if his breath stinks, then yes; I will say what I honestly smell because my answer could potentially help him solve his worry / problem! And finally, if my friend asks me something like ‘do you think my client is cheating me?’, I may not make an absolute claim like “Yes! He did this and that behind your back.” because of the potential legal issues involved. Instead, I might be subtle and say, “Your client has been acting fishy, he might very well be cheating you.” Would I be radically honest by saying that? No (actually, that was a rather diplomatic answer). But I would have provided my friend a valuable opinion to help her come to a decision, without landing myself in potential legal trouble.

In short, honesty is valuable, and yet, has its place. It might not be possible to be radically honest 100% of the time without sacrificing empathy or causing trouble for oneself and / or others involved.

To conclude, I would like to revisit the story about my childhood friends: Friend A and Friend B. That story never really happened. I totally made it ALL up. Why? There’s no particular reason behind it other than to mess with you, the reader. Now am I being radically honest for owning up to the lie, or a filthy liar for lying in the first place? Comment below.

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Further reading that might interest you: Can We Stop Lying All The Time and How An Algorithm I Coded Helped Me Make A Life Changing Critical Decision.